A happier follow-up:
I talked at length to a different friend, someone I've known since high-school and who is raising three very academically ordinary kids. Knowing her, I was pretty sure she wouldn't have an issue, and I was right. I told her about my fight with the other friend, and about Hanni being gifted. And she said, "You can tell me Hanni is a genius and I'll still love you." (Actually, first she said, "I already knew that.")
And then she said something very interesting. She thinks that the people who freak out are actually judging their own kids (or themselves). They really do think smarter is better. When they hear that someone else's kid is smarter, they actually, for a moment, like their own kid a little less. And that's unacceptable to them, so they have to make gifted-kid go away.
Then my friend said, "It's okay with me if you have a great career, and if Hanni is gifted, because I like my life and I like my kids."
