I'm not the type of person to sit back and let it play out. I feel like I have to fix it and fix it now! It is tough to let go but I think I need to. As I wrote this post I think I'm beginning to see that this is probably harder on me than it might be on dd.
R
Oh R!
It really isn't our fault that we have gotten this way. If 50%, (60%?, 70%? 97% LOL!) of the time, when we feel bad, everyone says 'relax - it's fine' and everyone is wrong, it really reinforces our natural tendency to look for problems and go into 'hyper-solving' mode. Repeat that experience 1000 or 100,000 times and we get a little twitchy. Now add children and watch it blossom. A therapist called me 'hyper-vigilant' once. It was great to have a name for it, but I wasn't abused as a child or an adult, and it was a bit curious to try and imagine how I would get like that! Then my son started school and I got a ringside seat - not it all makes sense!
That's what I love about this forum. We can support each other to trust our 'Mom-Gut' and reassure each other when we need to parent that 'Mom-Gut' a bit. CFK: I'm sure that I must sometimes make mistakes as to which situation is which - it's unavoidable! So I'm glad you are there to offer an alternative view. I don't want this to become 'group-think.' But I am a little freakish about being able to 'read between the lines.' Ironically, I'm really 'not quite there' in social situations, unless it's really quiet and 1 to 1. I just spent my childhood living inside books and getting quite a bit of my emotional nurturance there. My favorite assignments in High School English were to 'write the next chapter of the book we just read from the first person perspective of the character Tom.' Off I'd go, almost in a trance.
Anyway - I glad (in a way) to hear that your alternatives were clearly worse. I'm sure the path your daughter really deserved just wasn't on the menu. Hoagies has a great article about aiming to chooses the 'least-worst alternative.' (Does anyone have the link?) We are all quite familiar with THAT problem!
Love and More Love,
Grinity
