First of all, hugs from here, too. Your situation is a familiar one to many of us.
A couple of thoughts I had. I heard a really interesting speaker last week and he said, "80% of all negative interaction we have with our children comes from our own anxiety." As in the, "let's go - we've got to hurry - we're late - why aren't you listening to me?" variety. And the loaded, "How was school today?" conversation - which really means, "Did you do your work? Did you get in trouble? Did you make any friends? Did you listen? etc." I've really thought about it -- and found it to be true in my life. So I'm trying to create a calmer environment here. If I can control my own anxiety, then at least one of us is calm
.
A second thought is that Sylvia Rimm writes really effectively about having a "young lawyer" (I believe it's in her book "How to Parent So Children Will Learn"). She says if you have a child who like to argue, an effective way to handle it is to say, "Okay. Tell me all the reasons why you want to wear this bracelet to school today." (or play outside instead of cleaning your room or get to go to a friend's house). Then you let them make their arguments. When they stop talking you say, "Is there anything else?" Once they've finally stopped, you say, "Okay. I have heard your arguments. I will consider it for (half an hour/until dinner/overnight) and get back to you with an answer." Then you refuse to talk about it anymore. She says to even go and lock yourself in your room if they continue to pester you about it. Discussion closed. But you must come back with an answer at the promised time. And an explanation of why you made the decision you did (though no more debate). And every now and then, for the child to think this is effective, you have to say "yes" to their request.
Good luck!
