http://www.sylviarimm.com/article_htp.html1. Praise moderately to avoid pressure; postpone superpraise.
Praise conveys your values to your children and sets expectations for them. Lack of praise conveys the message that you don�t believe in them. Reasonable praise, like good thinker, hard worker, smart, creative, strong, kind, and sensitive, sets high but reasonable expectations that are within your children�s reach. Words like perfect, the best, natural athlete, most beautiful, and brilliant can set impossible expectations. Children internalize those expectations, and the expectations become pressures when children find they can�t achieve those high, impossible goals.
2. Don�t discuss children�s problem behaviors within their earshot (referential speaking).
Discussion about children also sets expectations for them. If they hear you talking to grandparents and friends about how jealous or mean they are, if you refer to them as little devils or ADHD kids, if they�re constantly described as shy or fearful, they assume you�re telling the truth and believe they can�t control these problem behaviors.
http://www.sylviarimm.com/article_girlsresil.html8. Your daughters are listening. Whether you talk directly to them or you talk about them to your partner, parent, teacher, or your friends, they hear what you say and are likely to believe you. Describing their performances as extraordinary, best, or brilliant puts extreme pressure on them. Discussing their sadness or disappointment within their hearing causes them to feel sorry for themselves and think they have serious problems or are even depressed. If your chit chat with reference to your daughters sounds positive and more moderate, they�ll be unlikely to feel over-pressured and will feel more positive about their futures.
