I have no idea if this will help but I will add what we did. DS did not potty train till 3.5yo & flat out told me he did not want to, that we could just keep changing him. We started & failed at PTing four times before it stuck. What worked: I made a potty chart & he got a star on it for every time he when potty. If he went all day with no accidents he got a sticker. For ever star on his chart he also got 15 min of computer time. This added up to a fair amount of computer time through the day but it was something he truly loved. We had an old egg timer to enforce the computer time. There was also a strongly enforced rule at our house that you only flush your own. DS liked to watch the toilet flush & it became a bit of a reward this way. As I recall in about 2 weeks we were done. He trained straight onto the toilet with just a small wooden stool.
I wish you the best of luck with your DD. You will both get through this. My only suggestion is to maybe work on getting her to relax on the potty. IF she is stressed out or over thinking it , it may not happen. Hopefully you will be done with all of this before too much longer.
