The hard thing would be sending dd there and just trusting them. How will I know what is actually going on the classroom? I really don't like the idea of certain tasks having to be completed before others, and I don't like the idea of there being only specific ways to use the manipulatives. What if dd wanted to build a castle out of the blocks...I am guessing that is a no-no? Are they allowed to use their imagination at all? I guess what attracted me to the program was the learn at your own pace part of it and the idea of self learners and self motivators.
No, I think it's usually frowned upon to use manipulatives in any way but the "right" way. Montessori materials are expensive, so the prescribed way is the way it must be done. As this "right way" is usually/supposed to be challenging to the child, it's usually not an issue. The kids naturally tend to focus on that goal because the challenge grabs them, you know? But from what I've seen, there's not much room for imaginative play in Montessori. DS7 just did this stuff at home after school, but for a really creative kid, I suppose that could be a problem.
As for how will you know what's happening, you'll want to find a school that allows you to observe when you want to. We had to make an appointment at our Montessori school because they wouldn't let parents in the room, and there was only room for one behind the one-way mirror in the office. I'll admit that I didn't love that I couldn't just show up and watch. Most schools do let you just show up. But OTOH, the mirror did give me a way to see what was really happening, without my presence affecting my son's regular behavior. So that was nice.
However, the fact is that if your DD goes to pre-K, you *won't* always know exactly what is happening with her or have control over it. She's out in the world without you for part of the day, and that will be something you and she will have to adjust to. You'll have to rely a lot on what she tells you and what the teacher tells you. Good communication with other parents in the class helps, too, since they often provide another adult take on what's going on.
I will say that I think some of pre-K is about letting go a bit, often more for the parent than for the child. My mom was a (wonderful!) pre-K teacher, and she often talked about kids who were very independent and capable, until their parents came into class to volunteer...and suddenly the child couldn't pour juice or do things alone. Mom took over and the kid became helpless.
(I'm not saying that's you, just that I've seen it from the other side that not all parents are ready to let go, and that it isn't really a good thing for a child if they're not.)
If she (or you!) aren't ready to let go like that, then it probably is too early for pre-K. There's nothing wrong with that. Not everyone has to go to pre-K. Certainly not everyone needs to go for 2 years. But it's better to figure that out now rather than sending her and not really having your heart in it, you know?
