(((Hugs)) BK!
I love that your son gets renewed from being out in nature! I do, but my DS doesn't.
I do think that it's a good sign if a child can 'save up their fight' for home.
Getting DH into the picture does indeed sound like something worth fighting for. United front makes a tremendous difference at out house, as does earlier to bed.
BTW, It's ok in my book to remove the TV from both to punish one, (If you can stand it) as you aren't denying anything that they need, like walks outside, food or clothing.
I think sometimes younger siblings are better behaved because they get to release tension by watching the older one 'get in trouble.'
I also think that younger sibs who are gifted benifit from being in a 'home gifted cluster' - that is, having a like-minded sibling at home to interact with is much like having a cluster grouping of like-minded kids at school.
I think that the first borns may also be more succeptable to rage when they have spend 'too much' of their school time
to the far left of their readiness level in the 'forced underachievement with/Shame' catagory, where a child whose abilities are so far above the level that the class is expected to be at, that he is ashamed to be there. At this distance from the readiness level, the teachers also experience the child as 'something wrong' because he or she doesn't fit in and the teachers show it in 1000 little ways. Due to asynchrony, the child may be perfectly placed in terms of some skills, such as coloring ability, or rapid multiplication facts, and yet very poorly placed in terms of their strengths.
I'm not saying that this can happen consiously, or to any child, but whengifted Overexcitability and personality and environment come together with even high-average parenting - WOW!
Eventually we got a dog, and I like to reassure myself that I'm not a terrible person by remembering that my dog is quite well behaved. Really, if you were at my house when it was time for the dog to eat, you'd see me put her in a 'down-stay' while I put the food dish on the floor, and keep her there for 30 or so seconds until I tell her to go ahead and enjoy her food. It amazes the neighors, anyway.
Love and More Love,
Grinity
