Hi Crisc,
Oh, sympathies. We've had a couple of bad days ourselves with DS6, and I'm wearing the mental and physical bruises. Our boy doesn't seem to express this at school (fortunately?) - he saves it for home. I wish I had any answers to give you, and have been reading others' comments with interest. The previous spate of verbal and physical attacks were the term before he was sent up a grade in the mornings - not challenging, but having any movement at all seemed to work a treat. We're in the middle of school holidays now, but I'm not sure what, if anything, I should read into that.
He's got such a different personality to DS4 - they're both incredibly stubborn, but DS6 has a combative streak that DS4 fortunately doesn't. When he really loses his temper any attempt to control him (even "go to your room") just increases the aggression - last night DH had to lie down on the bed with him and restrain him until he fell asleep. He's clearly miserable, and will say so afterwards, but just can't seem to stop. The threat of consequences can help him control himself before it starts, but not once it's underway. He's much worse when he's tired (which he has been) and not particularly well (also). But still.
I do think that DH needs to get a little firmer. His own father was rather too authoritarian, and so he tends to err on the side of soft - I'm the tough one, but now that DS is getting older I really think DH needs to step up and be seen more. Actually this is niggling away at me as really quite important.
I don't know how much of this is situational and how much inherited - DH has had anger management issues and counseling, but attributes that to war service. And I know my temper isn't always the best, though back in my time (ugh) I don't think children dared to behave that way! I think perhaps his being an introvert is a factor sometimes - from a long line of them on both sides I'm afraid - poor boy. An IN person has got to expect a few more challenges in life than an ES I reckon. Hmm, what about smaller class sizes for introverts? With noise-mitigation measures and regular alone time? We're going camping next week, and I fully expect that will work wonders - even a walk in the forest does a lot to stop/drain the build-up of tension.
We don't have any luck experimenting with challenges at home either, generally. He has always hated being 'told' by us. We can slip things in round the side sometimes, but no telling! He's never had any fear of heading off into the world to discover on his own (harrowing in a toddler), and I think he'd like more opportunities to do this. Difficult at six, but I appreciate his frustration.
So what are we going to do? - (in no particular order):
- earlier to bed
- more quiet time in the middle of the day
- camping
- changing schools (hairy business)
- DH getting more involved with discipline and modeling control
- keep up the consequences. This can be hard though - most toys are shared, and we can't really keep one from TV and not the other. No visiting and no treats seem to be most effective
- more one on one outings/activities with DH
- talk about his good behaviour and lovely qualities (there are plenty!)
- immediate reaction to unacceptable behaviour
- have wondered about Scouts.
How I hope we have some success.
I'll have my fingers crossed for you,
bk
