Hi Stephanie,
I went back to re-read the original post, to see if the friendships could maybe justify the treatment he is getting...and I heard my internal voice chanting after each point 'hot lava' 'hot lava' hot lava....
This started out as a 'don't step on the crack game DS12 had around age 5 and was adopted while I was teaching him chess and looking for spaces to move to when a piece is threatened. I still mutter it, although happily DS doesn't. Recently I saw my young cousin doing the same thing.
Me: Does everyone in your chess club say, 'hot lava' ?
Him: No, just you aunt.
Me: Do you usually say it?
Him: No, just remembering.
So cute!
When DS was in 2nd grade, he was placed with a teacher who 'loved smart boys.' At the time we were told that he had NonVerbal learning disorder, and thought he was MG, 2E. Since we've been told that his PG, PIA. (Pain in the Extremity)
This teacher got so emotionally caught up in 'straightening this kid out' that she did convinse him that 'something was wrong with him.' Since then I've realized that even really smart kids, even kids with really loving families, will start to internalize the judgements of significant adults who are with them 6 hours a day. In your case your son is older, and has two teachers, but the fishbowl nature of some private schools does I think magnify this effect. And there is the MD's suggestion of Depression, so I think you are in 'hot lava' and need to 'move to a safer square' even if you have to give up some of the advantages.
I don't know if it will work, or be 'out of the frying pan and ito the fire' but we are delighted beyond our expectations.
One thing that the PG families say, is that if an academic situation works for 6 months, and stops working, that's a win. That's how low the expectations are for things to go well for kids in school. Now I know plenty of kids who have situations that work for them for years in a row, but I would like you to remove any self blame you might be having about 'why can't this continue to work for him?'
((Hugs))
Grinity
