... there were times I locked myself in the bathroom (DS learned how to pick the lock with a lego spear...), tuned him out when he talked nonstop and felt like a worthless mother.
LOL, elh!!! I'm glad to know that some other little boy has picked locks using Legos!!
Yes, much of this thread rings true with me as well. DS(now 8) has moved past all of these type of behaviors, so there is hope. But the memory of it is still intense for me. The one thing that I will point out is that this might be common among gifted kids.... But it is especially intense among gifted only kids (one child per family). My DS just had so many thoughts running through his head that he needed someone to talk to. Constantly! And since my DH was at work all day, I was his constant companion. We do not turn on the tv very much in our house, but I remember plopping him down with a Winnie-the-Pooh video when I just needed a break. I used to hide in the bathroom when he was 3, 4, or 5 because of the non-stop talking, and he did interrupt my showers constantly. It was almost as if I had a kid that was velcroed to me. He refused to be more than 3 feet way from me at any given time. He did not like to be in a room alone. He would not go upstairs by himself to fetch a toy, and would prefer to wait until I was free to walk with him to get it. He really just wanted constant contact. Several other people here have posted that their children need physical contact too. My DS just needed me to sit and snuggle with him for an hour or so a day, and then he would be happier if I was away from him... as in just in the next room. The problem was that DS's clingy behavior, coupled with the intensity of a million questions an hour, caused me to retreat from him and put more space between us. That made his velcroness increase! It can be a vicious, downwardly-spiraling cycle that is hard to break.
You might try fighting fire with fire. Try to be overly huggy and "there for him" for part of the day. Then put a few boundaries for "mommy time" just afterwards. Start small by making it 5 or 10 minutes where he has to entertain himself quietly. Then try to stretch it out little by little.
The real turn-around came when he learned to read. Suddenly there were these long stretches of an hour or more when the house became completely quiet. Until he catches the reading bug, I would suggest having a secret stash of cheap toys that will keep him entertained. I would occasionally see maze books, number puzzles, etc. in the discount bin of stores and stock up. I frequently hit puzzle stores for games that required solo playtime. Or give him a tape recorder and let him record all of his ideas on it. That way he can go back and listen to his voice for added entertainment!
The worst habit to break was the 'desperately wanting my attention while on the phone.' That one took a few (okay maybe more than a few!) time-outs before he learned that I could not hear the other person if he was talking to me. I think, on more than one occasion, I told him upon hanging up that someone had just called with information on a topic that was important to him (birthdays coming up, playdates planned, visits from grandparents...), but sadly, I couldn't hear.
That seemed to cure it, oddly enough.
Hope this helps. Just know that you are not alone. You are not a bad parent for feeling this way. It is completely normal... well, as normal as anything gets with a child like this. And it does get better. It is like everything else when parenting a highly gifted child... just hold on tight. This too shall pass, and then you will be worrying about other things.
p.s. I went back and looked at your original post to see if I had answered some of your questions. I do agree that asynchronous development is the key. I think that they feel that gap between where they are intellectually and where they are emotionally. Think of it as this: asynchronous development is like a source of internal friction to them. And I think it makes them feel like they don't have enough control over things in their life. They therefore seek to add as much control as they can in order to fill in the gap and make them feel more stable. The older they get, the less asynchronous they get (and the more the emotional part catches up with their ultra-fast brain.) At least that is my theory.
