Glad you found the forum, giftedamateur!
You've already received great thoughts from aeh.
I'll just add that gifted persons such as yourself may benefit from consulting with a professional who
specializes in gifted issues (and may themselves be gifted with high IQ). The lists and information on the Hoagies Gifted Education Page may be a good starting place:
https://www.hoagiesgifted.org/psychologists.htm. A professional who specializes in giftedness may have a better understanding of this large yet invisible part of one's self-identity, the lack of validation and affirmation which many gifted persons experience, its impact upon existential issues, and patterns of thought related to self-improvement, professional development, belonging, self-acceptance, over-thinking and second-guessing.
Hoagies also lists some interesting books by known authors who specialize in gifted.
In my observation and experience, as most people live and learn their interests change and evolve. Which is to say that had someone come alongside you with intense music coaching and lessons when you were younger, your own personal discovery of an interest in music may have been thwarted. Your internal, visceral response to music may have been overwhelmed or drowned out by a system of external rewards for practicing and performing at an early age. Have you heard of Tiger Parenting? (wikipedia link -
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tiger_parenting ) Related to this is Amy Chua's book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother" and the Wall Street Journal's article discussing the book (wikipedia link -
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_Hymn_of_the_Tiger_Mother)
