Whoever it is to help your son with the hockey problem specifically, it needs to come from someone else, not you the parents. I'd speak to the coach - I haven't the foggiest about hockey but it sounds like an unsustainable situation and he may lose his spot on the team over this eventually, right? So, the coach needs to tell him what he is doing wrong and if possible, your husband should stop "helping", too. The first thing he needs to learn is that it IS a problem, and that he is only in the right position most of the time because other people are watching out for him. If they stop doing it, he'll realize he needs to learn for himself.
I second the idea of CBT. We have started doing it with our explosive kid who has similar meltdowns over completely reasonable criticism and does not handle strong emotions well. No obvious results yet, but DS9 loves going...
