In her case, the problem was that the instructional time involved materials which were significantly beneath her. She was bored, frustrated, but also trying to fit in. The tension between seeking to conform and seeking something to learn was wearing her out, and causing all of her social and emotional problems.
Dude, thanks for sharing this. I suspect this is part of the problem, and we have a meeting with the whole team (psychologist, principal, teachers) in a few weeks to chart a new course for him academically. I know a lot of the literacy work bores him (he's reading at a 1st/2nd grade level).
Is he, just personality-wise, a kid that has a lot of trouble with changes? With unpredictable environments?
Yes, that's him exactly. I think you nailed it. His ideal is home and us, and that's just not in the cards right now. Our worry is that hating school now could lead to longer-term problems with school or peers.
To answer your questions, he was in day care for 1.5 years. Over that time he was in three separate classrooms. He liked the first one moderately, loved the second one (it was warm and cuddly) and LOATHED the third one. That was part of why we put him into early kindergarten--it's not like he was enjoying day care.
His adjustment to anything is slow, particularly if that thing happens to be loud (like school). We went to a birthday party at a trampoline place, and it took him a full 40 minutes to warm up and start jumping. Lots of things go like this.
The people at school have seen how shy and slow to warm up he can be, but they also see him interacting normally with his peers. (And in one case, letting the principal know she was changing the paper towels incorrectly!) "Happy" may have been an overstatement, but no one sees the anger and tantrums that we see. His teachers (regular and gifted) were both shocked when we described how he feels about school and the behaviors we see at home.
HK, you've given me some hope that this year will actually be good for him. We've also talked with a social worker who suggested that he might be manipulative (even if not in the way we normally think of adults being manipulative). It's certainly a possibility, but he seems to feel his emotions
so strongly that it's hard to believe it's all manipulation.
mon, we've tried to walk him through his school day, but it's hard to get straight answers. Most of the time we get broad brushstrokes (
it's boring, I hate it) or flat-out lies (
I never go to the library or gym or art or computer class. Never ever). We've not been able to make much sense of his reports of his days at school.
Teach him to embrace his emotions and "use them for good" rather than to make himself miserable. It takes time, but it's worth it.
Any suggestions for how to do this? When he's happy and bouncing around, we can help him channel that, but when he's angry and throwing things or slamming his door or refusing to come out of his room, it's hard to reach him.
Thanks to all of you. You've made me feel much better about having him in kindergarten and not undoing the grade skip.
Thank you. I'm a long-time lurker here, and I'm so grateful for the helpfulness of this community.
