Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Needing some moral support

So, with DS2 snuggling on me and hopefully falling asleep soon, I'll try to be a bit more helpful.
Your DS is experiencing both outer and inner asynchrony - outer asynchrony because his verbal development is completely out of synch with his peers, and no amount of translating or encouragement of sign language with other toddlers will help remedy that. By the time a typically developing toddler will have learnt a few signs, your DS will have moved way beyond that again. So, play dates and play groups with age peers that make you feel uncomfortable and feeling judged will just have to go. Prepare to lose friends over that (were they real friends int the first place?). Neither you nor he are benefitting any - if you just need to leave the house, libraries, museums, shopping malls, bookstores, parks, swimming pools etc are much better bets. You have had good advice from others already on stuff to do.
But you are probably still looking for a connection with other moms, and want to find playmates for him. That is where inner asynchrony comes into play - he may speak like a three year old, may want to play with much older kids, but isn't developmentally ready for it, because he has the impulse control, frustration tolerance and play skills of a much younger toddler - even though he may want to play cooperatively, he may be unable to, because he may not be able to let go, share and take turns the way three year olds are beginning to.
So, what to do? For both your sakes, you will have to look for others families among your and your husbands friends. As odd as it may feel to think "my kids get to play only with other kids whose parents have PhDs", it may be a necessary selection criterion - well, never having finished my own PhD, at least being able to (and have pleasure in doing so) interact with gifted adults (the real you, not the mask you are wearing for parental activities). If they genuinely like hanging with the two of you, they and their kids will not be fazed by yours.
Because of inner asynchrony, even gifted toddlers may not be able to interact well with each other until they are bit older, so the perfect playmate would be a very verbal gifted girl of about four who would love to have a little brother to baby and boss around. DS8, who is HG+ and very asynchronous! never played well with others until he was five! even kids who should have been a "good fit". Dd4, possibly less gifted, but certainly less asynchronous and "pointy", and, of course, a girl, did great at just two with another little girl who is very verbally gifted and simply happens to be the daughter of an old friend of my husband. They're still BFFs. Dumb luck.
So, keep looking, it's not impossible but you do need to work on finding playmates and you need a bit of luck - hope fully you live in a college town or city so you have a good chance of striking gold at some point. But do not put much hope or energy in those typical toddler groups.

As for toys: start ignoring age designations right away. Some toy stores, indoor playgrounds and libraries (and of course families with older kids) have playrooms with preschooler toys you can try out - duplos, playmobil, schleich animals, magnetic blocks, brio trains...find out what he likes and try to buy that second hand. Forget the choking hazard thing - if he had older siblings,he'd be exposed to all of it anyway,and he's never alone at his age, so you can supervise.
Nice story for. Asynchrony: DS8, then two,was racing through a puzzle for four year olds, picks up a piece, looks at me, grins and bites off a piece of the piece. Guess that was a choking hazard. But there was no way I could have kelt him occupied with one of those big wooden toddler puzzles. It helps to let go of expectations yourself, and grow a thick skin against the expectations of others.