Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Needing some moral support

Our household is much like yours. Well-- was, anyway-- fifteen years ago. Our child is in college now, but she's still an only, and her demands upon us as parents are a part of the reason why. That's not a negative thing, btw-- it's just a thing. She is a lovely person, and we have enjoyed parenting her. Mostly. It's been a continuous set of challenges, however, and mostly without good quality data to guide decision-making. I warn you because that drove my spouse and I both a little crazy-- we're STEM people, and highly data-driven, both of us. Parenting an outlier was a personal development project like no other.

You are effectively raising an alien. Part of your job is to raise the child that you have in the moment-- and part of it is to raise a child who can function in a world which is inherently alien in that it isn't run for people like him (or your spouse, it sounds).

Your son has an advantage in that he has parents who 'get' what this experience is like. It has been helpful to our DD for DH and I to share some of our experiences growing up gifted. That makes her feel less alone.


No-- but MIXED age groups and small doses may be key for a few years. My DD usually did well in mixed-age arts-oriented classes for preschoolers when she was the youngest by 1y or so. That way she could gravitate to the proper level of interaction fluidly, depending upon skills and demand of the activity at hand.

Mostly, just know that this is a work in progress, and much will change as your child's asynchronous pattern emerges. At your son's age, we were only just starting to realize HOW different our DD was from other children. In about four more months, we had a clue (looking back) that she was probably PG in at least one domain (social). She just noticed everything-- even adult emotions and feelings and complicated, non-concrete thinking/planning/anxiety in others.

Introducing another language might be a fun idea, and keep him able to meet agemates for a bit longer, until he develops his own regulatory skills for social interactions. Well, they'll get better with time, anyway.


I wouldn't assume it was late walking. {sigh} DD walked pretty young, and she did this, too. She simply didn't have INTEREST in those 'developmental' toys, that I can recall. Not ever. It wasn't until she was around 5yo that it finally occurred to me that the reason she didn't care about those things was that they weren't in her proximal zone of development. Looking back in her infancy, she was very clearly trapped by her slowest developmental arc-- the physical one. So by the time she could (functionally) use a shape sorter, there wasn't any point since she already had the cognitive skills to make it ridiculous. She often gave us those looks-- "why are you doing this?? What the heck do you expect me to do with THAT, anyway?" It wasn't until I realized, as I was trying to homeschool using Cuisinaire rods and unit manipulatives, that it was something she could have used earlier in her cognitive developmental arc. She was past it, so it was merely annoying. Like someone coming along and putting training wheels on your new mountain bike before a technically demanding trail ride.

Look for toys with the WIDEST possible age ranges that you can find. DD didn't really mouth objects past ~1y, so in retrospect, we'd have been fine with Playmobil, Snap circuits (though she wouldn't have had the hand strength), small electronics, etc. She did have a small portable keyboard. She liked that a lot.

She was another collector. She loved the beach, where she'd collect rocks, shell fragments, etc. that interested her.

Art supplies-- the more the better. DD had free access to markers, crayons, paper, and little-kid scissors from under 2yo. We added to that stash of materials as she got older, eventually adding glue, glue sticks, stickers, watercolor paints, and collage materials.


Honestly, the best thing that ever happened to the three of us was when we finally relented and taught DD to read at nearly 5yo. She didn't learn decoding skills on her own (long, long story-- she was showing some readiness even by your DS' age)-- and I have ZERO problem teaching a toddler/preschooler like this to decode and read for themselves. It's the only way to keep their brains fed.

And I'll reiterate that the 100-150 library items estimate is no joke. We did that, too. Until DD was about 10yo, we usually had a running total of 125 items out in any given week. Not kidding. I had a special box for DD to put them in, and to keep track of them, I had rules about where library books/items could be used (never outside the house, except for occasional in the car use, and never into bedrooms, only the public downstairs areas). We never lost one, I'm amazed to say.


Oh yeah. I'm familiar-- only my child was the one being mobbed by the other kids, and trying to get away from them, looking at me (and sometimes, um-- saying to me, too) as though to say "HELP!! They. are. like. WILD. ANIMALS. Get me out of here!" Needless to say, most other parents didn't appreciate this articulate and mature assessment of their little darlings' company manners. Even if they WERE trying to bite her, shoving her out of their way, grunting in response to her well-stated wishes re: her autonomy, or wiping their noses (or worse) on her clothing. She went through a series of phases from 18mo to about 6-7yo where she found most agemates mildly to moderately devoid of her notions of civilized conduct, and dishearteningly irrational and unpredictable. They frightened her. Now, some of that was that when those children had food in hand, that irrationality and lack of boundaries really was scary-- because she had several life-threatening food allergies. But some of it was her being PG and fastidious by nature.

Then again, she is also an introvert, and it was obvious that this was so even at that age.


Nope, you are definitely not alone. A very warm welcome to you, NowWhat.