Here's my opinion on this. Personally people who offer their "arm-chair psychology opinions" need to keep a lid on it... Unless the person whose child is at issue specifically expresses concern and asks for insight, guidance, etc. They also need to keep in mind that they are NOT experts and do not necessarily know what they are talking about anyway. I think of it like this: my neighbor's child had a major problem with speech in that one could not understand a word he was saying. My child, younger, was talking circles around him. Did I stand next to said neighbor and say "Hey have you noticed your son can't talk?" offer up a bunch of potential dxs, and tell her to look into therapy? No, I assumed she did not need me pointing out her son's deficits and prying. Would anyone do that in this situation? (maybe but most would not, right? Because it's a more obvious issue unlike things like ASD, dyspraxia, etc.). If she had complained to me, expressed concern or whatever then I may have offered whatever my thoughts were. She never mentioned his speech not once to me. I had no idea what she was doing about it if anything. But I assumed she certainly didn't need me pointing out her son's deficits and, plus, I am no expert on such issues anyway. I simply went on treating her son like a the great kid he was/is. And, yes, apparently she was on it and she did get him therapy, etc.

When I first started noticing and researching my son's fine motor and motor/coordination problems and dysgraphia-like tendencies. I did it and did not tell my friends. I had a friend who also must have been notice something was amiss because she starting making comments saying she thought my son may have this or that, once I think she also mentioned that he may have a learning disability, etc. She would point out my son's deficits and then in the same hour mention how she thought her daughter, approximately the same age, was gifted. I was already noticing that something was wrong with my son's fine motor compared to her daughters. I did not need her highlighting it for me or my son! I already had a pit in my stomach. Her comments on my son were totally unwelcome and not in any solicited by me (in my opinion). She made me feel like she was comparing our children (and of course mine was coming up short), and that all she was noticing his deficits. It made me feel so yucky and I feared she would eventually make my child feel yucky. It was already a difficult time for me coming to terms that something may be wrong. We did not have a fight or argument or anything about it. I never brought it up to her. But I distanced myself and my child from her. It hurt my heart so much. On the other hand, with a different friend (and I probably felt more comfortable with this this mom anyway b/c she had/has a child with an ASD dx), I expressed my concerns and that mom/group was what really helped me get on the right path to figuring out what was up! But this mom NEVER not once made me ever feel like she was noticing anything about my son but his good qualities. Only when I opened the door to the issue did she speak up and she did it in such a great way! Not at all making any diagnoses or anything just offering her experiences and insight and saying here are some resources on how to get started checking into it. I am forever grateful. I never felt yucky.

I have noticed that people with neurotypical kids often yammer among themselves saying some other, likely non-neurotypical, child has "issues" and "don't his/her parents see?!" and speculate among themselves what the kid could have. Then they seem really keen on pointing out to said mom. It's often malicious gossip disguised as concern, in my view. It's just hurtful and most have no real idea what they are talking about anyway. I try to focus on the good/strngths of my friends' children and if a friend wants to chat about a potential issue with his or her child I will always try to help in the same tactful supportive way I was helped but otherwise I try to keep my mouth shut.

Last edited by Irena; 07/08/14 09:18 AM.