So given what I went through with DD and no one communicating with me, I was really surprised that a teacher would mention "Aspergers" in relation to DS before even getting to know him. So it goes both ways and there should be a middle ground. Teachers should tell parents that they have concerns and be direct about what they are seeing, but also say that they are not experts and that there is no way to know what is going on until a thorough evaluation by a trained professional is done.
Don't get me wrong the teachers are every so careful not to say the actual words, they just "hint" like you suggest. It can be very frustrating because they don't always know what they are talking about. Public School teachers can get in a lot of trouble with their schools if they try and diagnose a student, there are protocols and rules to be followed. Part of this is because if the teachers suggest it then, you as a parent can request the school do an evaluation. I had one teacher for my DD who when I told what I was doing outside of school she told me she was glad, and it's what she would have done if it were her child. But that she wasn't allowed to suggest that I get the private evaluation.
Just one thing I'll add here - this isn't directed at either blackcat or blue magic, just veers off a little bit on info that they've provided above. I've been in the position of having a child with issues we (parents) didn't recognize, and having a teacher make an assumption of a diagnoses that was incorrect. In hindsight, I believe she made the assumption in an honest manner, based on what she knew - she had seen quite a few kids with the other diagnosis and our ds had obviously *something* going on which shared a few of the symptoms. She shouldn't have mentioned the name of the diagnosis to us - for legal reasons and also because honestly it felt like an accusation and an excuse on her part and hundreds of other reasons it was just, not a good idea to say "I think your ds obviously has ….".
But the thing is - that teacher, unethically or illegally or whatever, mentioning that diagnosis to us, gave us an *invaluable* gift - she made it obvious to me we had to prove her wrong, and in going about that we found out our ds really *did* have a challenge that was impacting his life in a huge way - just not the challenge the teacher "diagnosed". For all that it made me mad at the time, today I am forever grateful that the teacher had the guts and nerve to suggest to us that our ds had "diagnosis X".
I think that teaching is, honestly, one of the toughest professions in the world. I have a number of friends who are teachers and teachers' aides or who work with young children. I can't tell you how many people I know in these positions agonize over children in their classrooms who are struggling in one way or another but who's parents insist the only issue is the classroom or the teacher. It's really tough to be in the place of having *some* limited knowledge and realizing a child needs help but not being able to communicate that either adequately or effectively to a parent for whatever reason. So for the parents out there who've had teachers suggest things that seem outrageous, it's ok to be indignant and annoyed and all that, but I'd also suggest not just writing it all off to "obviously highly gifted" or whatever, but instead think through, why is the teacher making this assumption? What's she saying *past* the diagnosis, what led to that assumption? Is there possibly something going on that's setting my ds/dd apart and that they might need some help with.
Sorry that is a bit rambling… but back to the OP… fwiw, I would ask your ds' primary care dr about the tics as a first step, and if you think they correlate with allergies, maybe ask for further allergy testing just to clarify. I'd also think through the social challenges you mentioned. As always, aeh has offered wonderful advice - so I'll just second everything aeh said!
Best wishes,
polarbear
