For the record, my husband is the most deeply 'I' person I've every known, and also is a model of social grace when out and about among people. I just didn't see the personal cost to him when we were dating. All that glitters isn't gold. Social Grace, not my husband, that is!
This is really interesting for me to consider, since my DS so 'wants' to be one of those 'golden children' that everyone at school 'loves' and appreciates. Of Course that will never happen! People do love him in a 'you are such a character' way, but he yearns for what your son has. I wouldn't mind having a kid like that either - or so I thought. But now that I see the cost to him, the grass is suddenly much less 'green' on your side of the fence!
So Cym,
I think either path can be good - teaching him to self advocate would be wonderful, stepping in the talk to the school would also be wonderful, and homeschooling, with EPGY distancy high school or local CC classes or his own projects would also be wonderful. Is he the kind of kid who is good at creating challenging and exciting academic challenges for himself and then following through.
Here's an untested idea that come into my head - procede with caution -
As long as you are taking the Myers-Briggs, look and see if he is a 'p' or a 'j' - if he's a 'j' then you can expect him to be able to work an online class, or large project at the library on autopilot. If he's a 'p' and you are a 'p' - again no problem, you can appreciate that while he's gathering ever-more data he is 'doing something' and encourage projects like websites that are meant to be added to bit by bit. OTOH, If you are a 'J' and he is a strong 'P,' you may want to stay away from homeschooling, or at least procede with caution.
Smiles and ((hugs))
Grinity
