ugh... this is so tough, especially when it's a friendship where you had previously felt so safe. sending you some serious good vibes, Madoosa...
you've had some great advice already, and this is just one more strategy from an experience i'm unfortunately still having with my oldest friend... you could consider taking a small, not-very-noticeable break from the relationship.
when the crisis came with my friend, i felt like the ground had suddenly opened up between us and i had no idea how to repair it. it was amazingly exhausting to be taking the high road all the time, so i quietly began to operate on strictly superficial territory with my friend. it wasn't too obvious, i simply became slightly less available - both physically and emotionally. at first it felt uncomfortably disingenuous but i am certain that if i'd immediately addressed the problems head-on, the relationship would not have survived.
i don't have the answer, but now (months later) it is beginning to feel like we are walking along the edges of our chasm in parallel - and if we can go far enough, it is possible that we'll find a bridge a little further along.
