Generally speaking, I've erred on siding with the teachers at each of the previous schools DD has attended. My motivation for this is the belief that DD is really tough to work with, and the teachers are often ill equipped to deal with her behavior.
I've decided to try to switch up my tone a little this year, and rather than offer sympathy, I'm going to really aggressively pursue accommodations. In the past I've presumed that the teacher would be unlikely to proffer accommodations that were not mandated by an IEP (which for reasons discussed previously is a very dangerous course for DD). This year I'm siding with DD and demanding accommodations.
#1 on my list for her would be a prescription (likely offered by your private professionals) for how social mistakes are to be handled to maximize her learning and minimize disruption. This would include positive praise for good participation, but also a very concrete plan for what to do when things are going wrong.
(On an IEP this would be called a behavior plan.)
I've also vowed that I'm not going to being consequences for school behavior home this year, as this has made little to no difference in the past.
This is a good plan. If school won't find an effective way to solve school problems, it's next to impossible to solve those problems from home. You need the whole school team on board.
DeeDee
