We are not particularly pushy in our beliefs. In fact, I am quite sympathetic to him since I have had, and continue to have, many doubts. But a lot of the religious observance in our home is based on tradition and community, more than on belief, and he cannot seem to understand this.
If anyone out there is in the teenage years, I would be most interested in your input!
Okay. I'll try. I'm not in my teenage years, but I remember them well and can offer you some perspective on organized religion and the dubious teen. You see, I've never been interested in religion. Not even a little and not even as a kindergartner. However, I was made to go to church (Roman Catholic) every week until I moved out of the house. I resented going to church, even as a little kid. I got absolutely nothing out of it --- EVER --- and there were so many things I would have preferred to do, like building my treehouse or skating or watching
Top Cat. I know that people who are very sincere in their beliefs have trouble understanding this idea, but this is how I am. I was born this way.
Like Judaism, Catholicism has a lot of religion-as-culture and tradition. I knew people who got a lot of out these things. Some people have even told me they
need the rituals. I accept that. But I don't need them. In fact, religious rituals are toxic to me.
In trying to see your position from your son's point of view, I wonder if he has the same or a similar outlook. Have you asked him? I'm sorry to say this so bluntly, but for the kind of person who doesn't believe, being forced to attend a religious ceremony again and again and again and again can be quite...distressing.
Also, you may see that stuff is based on tradition and community, but your son may
not see it that way. He may see religion being sold as something else. You may sense the history and the tradition, but he has a right to
not sense them. Not everyone gets something useful out of rituals.
I see your position, and if you continue to practice in spite of having doubts, you're clearly getting something positive out of what you're doing.
But your son isn't you. It's up to you to
expose him to things that are important to you, but you can't force him to
enjoy them or get something out of them. IMO, a 16-year-old is old enough to know that [religious observance x] has no value to him. And also IMO, the more you push him, the more you risk increasing his resentment and pushing him further away from what you're trying to get him to embrace. Give him space and he may develop an interest in the cultural side of Judaism (but don't be surprised if it takes a very long time).
This doesn't excuse him from family obligations, of course. It seems reasonable to expect him to attend on big occasions (such as weddings or when grandparents or other extended family members are present or when you're visiting someone else). But this kind of enforced attendance thing should be rare (again, IMO).
