Agreed, Val.
Faith is
so personal. It's very much like taste or ability in music, or color perception.
I've gently explained to friends who are people of faith that, in spite of my upbringing in a devoted, faith-based environment, I spent a lifetime trying to dance without being able to hear the music.
I was
playing along because I couldn't bear to not share something that was (clearly) so central and joyful a thing to those that I love.
As a non-theist, I eventually gave up trying to pretend because it felt disingenuous to me. That 'coming out' was done with a great deal of regret, given that it has resulted in the complete alienation of extended family. I am what I am. I've
tried very hard, and like Val, probably would have been better off if I'd not been forced to continue regular observance during my teens. My mother was quite generous in her approval of my need to explore a variety of different denominations during that time... but less so when I began exploring outside of the mainstream Protestant Christianity that was her personal bedrock.
I
love liturgical ritual, art and music-- it's very soothing and lovely. Great, great art has been produced in the name of the world's major faiths. Art that I appreciate
as human-created art, not as worship. Important distinction.
When I walked into Notre Dame cathedral in Paris-- it's the way that a non-hearing person admires professional ballroom dancing. I don't :get: the pull that is under it, even if I appreciate the resultant art.
On the flip side, however, I do think that it is VERY important to teach teens about other faiths and that a person's faith is: a) none of your darned business, by and large, b) most DEFINITELY not a point open for uninvited criticism, and c) a matter for complete and total respect which is separate from your own opinion of it on your own behalf. The only real question is-- does it seem to be healthy and nurturing
for that other person? If so, be respectful and leave well enough alone.
I would
never criticize a member of my family for "prayer" even if I personally would feel silly if I tried it. When they ask me to "join in prayer" I
respectfully join hands and keep silent while they pray. I'm not participating-- because I can't and don't. But I'm also being
respectful of people that I love a great deal. It's important to them, so it's important enough to me to offer my time, if that makes sense.
So yes, I
would expect a minimal amount of
tolerance from my child. Just as I'd expect that a gentle "I'm sorry, but I'm going to ask you to stop doing that" if my daughter became an Evangelical who was bent on converting me with every conversation. Social grace-- we all need some, right?
I was NOT always gracious as a teen. (Just imagine that, eh?)
In fact, I was
angry that I couldn't seem to "choose" to be like the rest of my family. I didn't
want to be an atheist. I wanted, more than anything, to believe-- but I just didn't and couldn't. It's possible that teens who are (relatively) obnoxious about atheist/agnostic leanings within a family of a particular faith are feeling a little upset because they KNOW that there is a connection between faith and culture-- reject one, reject them both. And if you
cannot accept one or the other.... well, that's that, isn't it?
I think it might help if parents are more understanding that faith isn't a CHOICE for some people, and let their loved ones know that their love isn't conditional on someone else's faith. I
needed to hear that as a teen.
But the problem is that people who have the choice don't necessarily see how it is possible that some others do not.
