Eema, I would want DS to assist me in preparing the meal if he was going to consume it. Religion aside, he's old enough to be an active participant in the meal preparation process. I know far too many men who were never included in meal prep, and they are needlessly unable to take care of themselves nutritionally in adulthood.
He's also old enough to witness something without being a full participant in it intellectually or spiritually. Respect for different opinions is an important life lesson, as is perspective taking. I would frame all of this meal hooplah as a lesson in respect, and explain to him that his participation is important to family dynamics. How does he feel he is being treated at meal time?
Excuse me for being so bold as to ask, but how do you feel about his rejection of Judaism? How heavyily under Judaism does your responsibility weigh for imparting the faith?
