Our kids sound so alike, except that mine is less gifted and a little younger. She's also VERY hard to help. She clearly has issues, multiple of them, which together add up to quite a major deficit, but none of them are strong enough to be a nice clear problem to attack and get clear results from. Everyone can see that she has social problems and academic problems but no-one can figure out quite how to meaninfully help her. It's frustrating.
The single biggest win we've ever had with her was from buying her an iPod, setting up her morning and afternoon routines in an app called Home Routines (it's designed for managing housework ala flylady) and rewarding her for successful use of said device with the currency of the day (pocket money, toys, screen time, whatever). This made the biggest difference at the start, when she finally had the miraculous experience of being ready for school on time, under her own steam and a) had a really nice morning because no-one got cross at her and b) had 20 mins to sit in the car with her iPod and play on it. Realising that this was POSSIBLE really changed her mindset about being more together. We still have plenty of crappy days, but two years on she now self manages quite well most mornings without the ipod...
We've also set term long goals with rewards at the end - often 2 or three goals (for example you must do 20 mins good quality piano practice every day, must do 10 mins typing practice per day and must include me in the process of planning and executing your term project at school so we can work on those skills and make sure you get it done well and in time). This approach resulted in an embarassment of Monster High dolls, but did definitely improve commitment to piano practice, how she went on her term project, etc. And I found some things (like the piano practice) did not need to keep being a rewarded goal but did keep going at that level after so long of it being normal.
