Yes, I think that is true, DeHe. It's about the very normal (and even somewhat age-appropriate) need for a "true peer" coupled with a few unique twists that elevate difficulty--
the scarcity of other PG peers in a general sense,
even among PG peers, what she is seeking out in terms of friendship is probably not age-appropriate for most adolescents,
and
she also has a fairly limited/small social circle because of disability challenges (this absolutely precludes summer camps/workshops for the most part).
So while this is a need that we've been TRYING to see met, we've simply never had much luck in this department in spite of our efforts. In other words, widening that circle to eliminate this vulnerability probably elevates risk in the disability-related department to a place which is-- well, inadvisable, let's just say.
There's a reason why fatality stats for people like her peak at "young, teenaged girl." It has everything to do with that need for inclusion-- at ANY price. In other words, if she were allowed to do things that came with unpredictable/variable/volatile risk, she'd probably make bad decisions there, too-- for exactly the same reasons that she did it here. So unfair that our choices seem to be "risk death" or "no chance to meet emotional developmental needs."
This is the other reason why I think we're looking for a real gem of a therapist; this has to be someone that understands that SOME anxiety-- and even fear-- is completely adaptive, and even helpful, as long as DD is listening to her inner voice with the conviction that it won't lie to her. Often, that inner voice is wiser than any other person who COULD advise her.
I also suspect that "group" sessions are likely to alienate her rather than being helpful. The question is whether or not she'd be able to fully relate (or more to the point whether she would be comfortable with others' ability to relate to HER) with a group of same-age or same-grade peers. She simply doesn't care about the things that she sees her peers (either group) posting about on Facebook or talking about with one another. She cares about other things-- she loves politics, current events, social justice, scientific discoveries, geek culture, etc.
It feels like she's looking for a needle in a field of haystacks to find that ONE person who is interested in who she actually is... wants and is developmentally ready for a close/intimate friendship... AND can manage to accept/accommodate the disability without flinching. She's been a best friend to a number of people over the years. But she's never HAD a best friend.
So I know exactly how someone like this could get to her. But there seems to be dishearteningly little to prevent such a thing from happening again and again, because we can't seem to do much to mitigate the vulnerability that's behind it.
