Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy When seeking a therapist

So sorry to hear you are facing this! Finding a therapist is very daunting. I agree pre-interviewing is critical to be sure you are on the same page before exposing your daughter. I also agree this is a situation where therapy could be very useful.

In addition, you may want to look in to books available from Melodie Beattie. Most libraries will have several. She is THE major Codependency author. I think you'll find doing a daily reading in one of her books such as the classic The Language of Letting Go will do wonders for your daughter in reframing her understanding of herself in relation to others in a healthy way. A journaling exercise such as: "Today I feel..... When I feel this way the thoughts that I feel are... When I feel this way and think these thoughts what I want to do is... My choice today is.... My prayer today is...." can also be helpful.

Recovering from abuse is about understanding healthy boundaries and how to enforce them. It's about finding your voice and not believing the lies you have been told. The three things children learn in an abusive relationship are don't trust, don't feel, don't tell. It sounds like this boy was working all of those quite effectively. It takes a lot of sensitivity to get an abuse victim to trust you (and themselves) enough to begin letting those feelings out in to the open. She needs a secure place to rebuild that trust and be taken seriously.

I would not expect any effective counsel from the school. They always have divided loyalties and are most concerned about their own liabilities, especially when events happened on school grounds.

When YOU hire a counselor you will have someone on your side. I would search for someone (as mentioned earlier) who specializes in abuse recovery or codependency. I would also look for someone who is trained in EDMR as it is a very useful therapy for dealing with traumatic memory. Your daughter sounds like she is having a PTSD type reaction to the phone. Abuse can trigger a Post Traumatic Stress reaction and should be treated accordingly when that happens.

The best news about this awful situation you are going through is that people who successfully face abuse and trauma find beauty, strength, and confidence they never imagined they posessed and grow in amazing ways as they find their way to the other side of this darkness. I pray you and your daughter will see wonderful things come from this awful challenge she should not be facing at her tender age.