I agree with mon. I would include an "executive summary" in bullet format of the changes you want. You don't want the staff to have to work too hard to find the changes. I would consider eliminating the explicit statement that their accommodations are "vague." It sounds like you accusing them of something. I would offer your changes as "clarifying" language or something similar. If you feel that the explanation portion is necessary, keep the longer version after the exec summary.

Last edited by knute974; 10/01/12 08:44 AM. Reason: typos