Mk, I'll just share briefly what happened to us with DS10 (2E, Asperger's). He was extremely difficult to parent, had a very difficult time participating appropriately in preschool and kindergarten, all the while showing tremendously precocious and unusual talents and interests. We sought help but were told that he was just gifted: the possibility of autism spectrum disorder was ignored, even though he was a classic case, because very real symptoms were being excused as part of his giftedness.
We were not able to start appropriate therapies until he was almost 6, because for years we couldn't get anyone to see what was really there. I regret those years: they were hard on us and we could have used them better if we had known what was going on.
The party line among gifted communities is that gifted kids can be overdiagnosed with things like Asperger's and ADHD, but in my experience they can also be underdiagnosed due to their giftedness, and that is in some ways worse, because the child does not get timely help. It's much harder to recoup skills at age 8 than at age 3 or 5.
That's not at all to say that this is what's going on with your kids, but just to say that this happens sometimes, even when parents are paying attention.
DeeDee
