Respectfully, I feel obliged to say that your post reminded me very much of my relationship with my mother in particular and also of our DD8's relationship with her teacher this year--neither of which are models for successful relationships. Particularly with at least some gifted kids who have a strong sense of independence, IMO it is very important to not just 'pull rank' and have an authoritarian approach to dealing with disagreements because you are just setting yourself up for much bigger problems down the road, particularly when your kid gets older. I think it can be important to explain the rationale (i.e., safety and what could happen--toned down if necessary) and also to offer choices when possible--for example, "you can hold my hand or [another adult's or older kid's] hand in the parking lot, but drivers often have trouble seeing kids when they're backing out and one of my jobs is to keep you safe--so what do you choose?" Again respectfully, it sounds to me like your son feels like he does not have as much control as he would like over at least some of the particulars in his life, so I think it might be helpful to consider finding some ways to give him more choices (or apparent choices) so that he can find a constructive outlet for his independence.
That way, IMO, the situation is framed less like it's you against him and more like you are trying to solve a problem together.
Best wishes,
Dbat
Last edited by Dbat; 06/13/12 08:31 AM. Reason: Attempt at clarification
