He doesn't understand why he needs to write an apology letter.
First a disclaimer - I am not a psychopath (and I'm also a parent who places huge importance on teaching my children our family values, which include honesty and not cheating)... and.. I have to agree with your ds, I don't understand why he needs to write an apology letter.
This is just my take on it, and I wasn't there and don't know your ds, but fwiw - he's (I'm guessing) going to have some type of consequence for the cheating at school. You've talked with him about it at home, and about how it relates to your family's values. You've expressed your disappointment to him. I probably wouldn't tell my child to write an apology letter.
I've also known quite a few 9 year olds in my life - and it's not all that unusual to try to cheat or steal or do something like that once. For most kids, doing it once and getting caught leaves enough of an impression to never do it again. Unless this was a pattern and it's happened before, I wouldn't worry about it predicting any dire future behaviors.
I would, however, be sure to address what was going on underneath the surface that led to cheating - was he just trying to get a good grade, or was he worried that he *had* to get a good grade - understanding his internal motivation and helping support him if he's worried about perfectionism etc would be what I would focus on, rather than extending the guilt and apologies.
polarbear
