He pretty much doesn't put two words together (has a decent vocab), some echolalia, extremely emotional with severe tantrums, sometimes all day long (probably because he can't communicate), and very rigid in play routines.
...I waited so long to get him evaluated because of the things he CAN do....numbers, then shapes, colors, and letters and has been able to correctly identify many of them for a long time now.
...want to help him unlock language so I can get to know him a little better instead of having to draw letters and shapes for him for hours and hours and be subject to tantrums if I stop or even slow down.
You could almost be describing my DS8 when he was that age, although his language delay was mild to nonexistent. He is sociable (in that he likes people and is attached to us) and affectionate; yet his sociability is awkward, language skills always a shade behind his peers' despite early reading and writing, and he's highly prone to inflexibility and outbursts and very odd special interests that he perseverates on at great length.
The inflexibility is best addressed before they get to school age; following someone else's rules all day long is really, really hard for people with Asperger's/autism. (The distinction between the two is going away next year, so you probably shouldn't worry about the distinction at all at this point. It's all a spectrum.)
I'd highly recommend finding an autism clinic or specialist who has seen some gifted/autistic kids. Mine didn't get diagnosed until age 5 because, like yours, he could do so darned much intellectually, he was written off as just quirky. Earlier intervention would have been very helpful, but we couldn't access it without the diagnosis.
The tantrums if you stop his special interest are a key symptom: these guys get fixated, and feel they need access to their interest at all cost. It's how they learn, but also how they calm themselves-- and it can impede learning not on the special interest topic. You should consider not humoring this, weathering the tantrums, and start helping him to be more flexible. The book Parenting Your Asperger Child is good on this topic.
I also highly recommend ABA therapy if you can get it. It works on all these issues at once, which is often easier than seeing three or four different therapists to work on pieces of the problem.
There's a great parent forum on this website:
http://www.aspergersyndrome.org/Home.aspxBest wishes,
DeeDee
