Interesting points and I agree that mostly it was issues with the classroom and the teachers rather than the other students. But even when the scaffolding is there, he just won't interact with kids his own age.
I'm not seeing this as a sign of social maturity. More of an issue with the fact that we need to get the kid some type of socialization beyond his immediate family. If it's older kids that help him come out of his shell, then, for now, I'd rather him be around those kids than around kids he doesn't seem to relate to.
Since he won't do what the younger kids are doing, even when they're all doing it (e.g. sitting on a square on the rug and waiting his turn), but he'll do it when he sees older kids doing it, I'm inclined to allow him to learn those skills however he needs to.
My problem with the mixed-age daycares in this area is that they tend to be more child care focused than child development focused. I see a lot of carting kids around to pick up kids after school, a lot of time spent in food preparation, etc. Even sometimes 30 minutes at a time of TV a couple of times a day. Not enough free or structured play since the provider is too busy dealing with all of the kids' needs.
I had a great day care for my daughter (now 12), but we probably visited 15 places to find it at the time, and the provider has now moved on to another career.
