I have to ask; is the reluctance to homeschool at all related to a sense that homeschooling is something that "other" people do? Meaning, kind of a fringe-dweller, slightly KOOKY thing to do?
If so, admit that this is a barrier in your thinking.
We were also VERY reluctant homeschoolers. So we initially went into it telling ourselves that it was "only until the end of this year," and then "until about 3rd grade, when {DD} can advocate for herself better in a classroom."
She's now 11 and hasn't ever been to a "regular" school classroom.
Kids that are really 'different' require really different
solutions to meet their needs. That's all.
I'll also note that I can sympathize with homeschooling a child that is high-intensity. Mine is one of those, too, and my DH and I both are fairly volatile as well.
This
can easily prove a toxic mixture, as you've astutely realized already.
The trick, as someone else noted with the loudness part of things in particular, is to
insist on firm BOUNDARIES when education happens at home.
"No, I'm sorry, but I cannot allow you to leave that open container of mold in the refrigerator because this is where we store our food.""At the end of this trial, you'll need to put things away for now, because it is time for quiet hour. Let's decide on a safe place for your apparatus.""Help me with some ideas of things you could do with your quiet hour each afternoon. I will need for you to work on something quietly and independently, without making a big mess, during that time each day. What can you think of?"I'd also make it
very clear that at least some amount of respect for adult authority figures isn't "optional."
I mention that because I have an 11yo DD that doesn't feel that even her PARENTS have any "right" to "tell her what to do." This is a dreadful situation, since she is still very much 11 yo, in spite of having the debating skills and vocabulary of a high-paid defense attorney. Fair warning.
