Seriously I am so upset. My 3 year old is depressed. I saw everything I always felt growing up last night it her.
Ok I guess from the beginning of last night. DD had one really good friend who was 3 years older than her before we moved. They played together, talked together, shared together. She had several other "friends" too who she played with at different groups, but had this one really good friend.
Ok fast foward to we moved over the summer and now are in a place with fewer people, fewer resources, etc. So I have been trying to get DD out there to make friends, but it is hard because she is not in preschool. Our preschool would be awful for her, but basically every other child on the island is in preschool. I have offered it to DD but she doesn't want to go because she "has met those kids and they aren't like me."
So I have taken up knitting since moving here and we are now back in the PCR building with free childcare during it, so I am taking her. So last night she spent an hour there before she told them (not crying just told them) that they needed to go get me and that I was in knitting. So they did. When I got in there she was apparently upset that the kids in there were not "playing". Well I got it out of her that not playing meant that they were playing but were "scattered" ...her word. Meaning they were doing lots of parallel play, in their own world play, but DD didn't want that, she wanted to create a resturant and have customers and waiters, etc...and had attempted to create this elaborate play senario with nothing happening and she was frusterated.
Okay so I thought everything was fine until the middle of the night when she "woke up" (I think she was still half out of it) and I went in her room and she was screaming and the frustration and anger were evident and she was yelling and tears rolling down her face "Just do it! I want you to just do it! Why won't you just do it?!" This went on with her thrashing and almost falling off the bed until she woke up for real and then she was awake and wanted to read. So she got up and got some of her books, but instead of reading she started crying.
I asked what was wrong and this is what I got.... Well the short version anyhow since this went on for an HOUR!
Her- "I don't have any Friends!"
Me- "You have friends. What about.." and I started naming friends here she has.
Her- "But my friends don't FIT ME mom" "I need a friend that fits for me like clothes fit me. Who plays like me, who doesn't skip through the lines in mazes, who can act out characters, and who doesn't scatter all over the place." Then she proceeded to explain her metaphor to me that friends weren't really clothes and thats why she used the word like, but that they needed to fit her like clothes fit her. Then she said "I want a friend like me....I don't care of they are my size or what they look like, but I want a kid who fits me! I want them to fit perfectly!" (A big part of me was reeling at this point just do to the so un 3 year old nature of her speech that always throws me LOL)
I tried to explain that we can have friends that don't fit us perfectly, that we have one friend whe do one thing with, another we go swimming with, can have one friend we do crafts with, etc.... but this did not satisfy her.
I told her I knew how she felt. That I felt the same way growing up and it took me a long time to find a friend who fit me.
And then she proceeded to cry "It's going to take me even longer than it did you to find that friend"
My heart broke. She's probably right. I was HG, but on the lower end, went to a academic magnet school and was in the gifted program, I had a chance to find those peers. Here, we don't have anything like that. We live in such a small town with a single school. Her chances right now while we are here of finding that fit is not good.
And it doesn't help that while the best fit peer wise would be a 1st, 2nd grader or even 3rd grade, she is shorter than the rest of the 3 year olds. Which when we were in PA didn't seem like such a challange, the kids that she walked up to and tried to converse with were more open, but here it seems those kids automatically talk "at her" as she says instead of to her, and I think it may be most of the kids we have met here who are 6,7,8 have younger siblings who are her age and they see her as that, and don't give her a chance and she shuts off when they talk at her like a baby and she walks away.
What do I do? She is miserable and I am so sad. She seems fine this morning but I am just still so shaken from last night. I never expected those feelings from her so early. Kids her age don't typically have the type of friendships that she is seeking right?. How Do I explain that to her? How do I help her?
I do have her signed up for pottery once a month at the PCR starting the end of this month thru May which is for ages 2-5, then next month she has Parent Child Gooey Art once a week for 3-5, and then in March she has soccer for 3 and 4 year olds.
Please help. My heart is breaking for her that she feels so alone at this young of an age. She obviously gets that she is differnt. She has said it many times to me. She is constantly asking me why kids older then her don't know this or that, can't do this or that, and why the kids she sees doing the things she likes to do, reading the same books she likes to read at the library are all so much bigger than her. What do I say to that? I am so at a lost. I feel so down today. I always wanted friends growing up and had such a hard time making them, I think the gifty thing played into this but also I had a lot of Asperger traits and while DD has some, she doesn't really fit that as much as I did. I Just don't want her to be as miserable as I was growing up and it seems shes starting it earlier then I ever did!
If you read all this thank you! I know it was long
