"... if a child thinks that their success is due to being smart then they will fear trying again and possibly failing because then they won't be smart anymore. It makes sense and I believe it."

I don't think it's as simple as that. You must know your child; it's simply not a matter of being able to generalize.

From personal experience, a gifted child can struggle with understanding the gift they have. I can assure you it's possible to know you're smart and feel stupid at the same time.

Through 8th grade there never was a challenge for me in school. I probably could have completed 8th grade work by the time I finished 2nd grade. I never did homework since I already knew how to do it and as long as I aced the tests no one complained. Still, I felt stupid and lazy because I did the bare minimum. I remember in 2nd grade I got a black star on my reading chart because I didn't do the number of required book reports. I felt like a complete idiot. What they had no way of knowing was that I had already finished every book in the local library that they would allow me to get my hands on. You had to be in High School to access the "Adult" section. I was lucky to have an older brother who would check books out for me.

By the time I entered HS, I had zero work study habits. I hated school. I felt I didn�t fit in and I really didn't feel smart. My grades were all over the place since I didn't apply myself, yet I still maintained a decent average. I was accepted to every college I applied to. 165 credits later and still no degree! *grin* (and Gosh! I STILL am successful!)

The day I suspected I was smarter than I realized was sometime senior year we had a guidance counselor visit a class to chat and the conversation went something like this"
Student: "Has there ever been a genius at this school?"
Counselor (looking away from me when I perked up at the question): "In the history of this school there has been one genius.�
Student: "Can you tell us who it was?"
Counselor: "No."
Student: "Why not?"
Counselor: "Because they still go to this school."
Student: "Do they know?"
Counselor: "No."
Student" "Why don't they know?"
Counselor: (As she stared directly at me): "Because we believe if they knew, they wouldn't try"
Me (To myself): "Newsflash lady, they're not trying NOW."

I didn't confirm it for many years that it was indeed me. I wish there had been something back then for me to try striving for and some real guidance as to what was possible.

I don't mean that to sound depressing, because I did a fantastic amount of learning outside of school on my own. I was never bored outside of school and I pursued many interests.

I can't say that if I knew I was smart or not would have made a difference in higher education. I do think I might have felt better about myself and maybe bolstered my confidence socially, but without the infrastructure to support my appetite I think my academic career was doomed for failure. Then again, knowing I was a nerd wouldn't have changed that fact. I still am a bit a of a social misfit!

Today, I let my children know they are smart. I see no reason to hide it. It doesn't have to be presented as, "You're smarter than everyone else and you can let them know it." but it can be along the lines of "I know you have the ability, now let�s work a bit harder!" and "wonderful, you pushed yourself and look what you did!�

I�ll suggest that it's all how you present it to the child. If there's a lesson I have learned in life it is that the only mistake you can make is not having tried to correct a mistake. Failure is just an opportunity to add to your knowledge that one method for sure doesn't work! Being smart is no guarantee that you won�t hit a wall but hopefully it will help you to walk around it next time.