I didn't fully understand your post...but...FWIW, I don't think that pushing a child helps increase motivation. Actually, it probably decreases it by associating negative feelings with the forced activity.
If your daughter wants to play a song perfectly on the piano, great. If not, so what? Why push? It's her talent, right?
I try to create an environment that will challenge my kids. Grade skips help in that regard. Also, I coach them gently when they're feeling frustrated and say things like "It's too hard! I can't do this!" At these times, I remind them about other things that seemed impossible at first, yet turned out to be possible after all with a bit of honest effort. But outside of homework and chores, I don't force them to do stuff. Well, I force them to take a bath or go to bed, but I don't force them to be perfect skaters or gymnasts or dancers or whatever. Or perfect math whizzes.
I can't create internal will to give 100% effort (or even 50% effort). People have to motivate themselves. No matter what my perspective is, I can't put motivation into people, whether I'm acting as a parent or as a boss.
Also, put me down as someone who praises both outcome and effort. If praising an outcome is so bad, why do they award medals at the Olympics and hand out prizes to the kids who win Math Kangaroo?
Val
Last edited by Val; 05/19/10 02:04 PM.
