My recommendation: don't rule anything out without looking into it. More options are better for you than fewer at this point. Learn about everything you could conceivably do. Keep a running list of pros and cons. But don't reject anything completely. DS8 has been out of the public school for the better part of 3 school years, but we still consider public school every time we rethink what to do with DS8 for school. Why limit yourself?
Advocating with the school to make things work for your DD is certainly the place to start. No question!
But do know that you don't have to limit yourself to that one choice right now. More options--even if you choose not to take them--will help you feel better about the school if you stay there and will help you to feel less powerless while advocating. You're in the research phase.
A number of kids here do an online, independent study sort of thing at the back of the class for some subjects. I suspect others can address this better than I, but it is a pretty standard form of differentiation that can work well.
I know a couple people for whom partial homeschooling (pulling the child out for an hour or two during the day) is a good solution. See what's involved. The drawback is that your DD might be "neither fish nor fowl," not really fitting 100% in either the homeschooling community or the school. That depends upon how much time she's gone and how big a deal it is to her friends. But it can solve both the academic fit and the social setting, especially if the school and the teacher like the idea. They can make sure she's present for parties, special activities and fun stuff...or if they want to sink things, they can make sure that she misses them all!
Communication with the school and the teacher are vital.
As for full-time homeschooling and friends: realize that school friendships can be continued through playdates. Also, though it wouldn't involve those same kids she's with now, your kids would almost certainly make friends in the homeschooling community, too. No pressure, but before you worry about the social, I'd suggest researching what is available socially for homeschoolers in your area. Remember that every homeschooler is in the same boat socially, and as a result, they get together often. That part's not as hard as you might think.
Finally, know that there may also be other options available that you don't even know about now. We didn't know the school-for-homeschoolers even existed 3 years ago.
I ask practically everyone I meet, especially people with gifted kids or some special needs, about their school situation and how they feel about it to try to find out those schools and resources that I don't yet know about. 99% of it I'll probably never use, but knowing that I have some aces up my sleeve if circumstances shift is really reassuring.
I'm babbling, but hopefully there's something useful there.
