I have so many questions, but first thank you, THANK YOU for sharing your story and for connecting with me about your experience. Polarbear cub is lucky to have such a thoughtful, involved parent.
Some questions. When he was my son's age (young elementary):
Was your ds always been able to complete work independently? For example, homework? If so, was he able to complete it within a reasonable amount of time?
Has ds always respected authority? Would he talk back or argue with teachers? Would he disregard rules or "opt out" of participating in classroom activities?
Was he able to make and keep friends? Play with new kids at a playground? Have playdates and maintain a friend's interest/"host" them (rather than slip into parallel play)?
My son can do homework independently but it seems to take 5x? 10x? the time it should, and he needs incentives like baked treats. Having me sit by his side nagging him doesn't seem to help speed things up much and actually can sour us both.
My ds has little regard for authority. He will argue/talk back to teachers, and even say rude, hurtful things if he is upset. Going to the principal's office doesn't register as a big deal.
Worse, he "opts out" of almost the entire school day. As in, when given a worksheet will just say no thanks. We do the worksheets he refuses to do at school at home. He does not join the class on the rug, he often opts out of recess. All he wants to do all day is read.
To be clear, he is a happy, excited, enthusiastic child, highly engaged with the world ideas and bursting with interests from world religions to the Vietnam War.
My ds has always been liked, even loved, by peers. Every year a parent will approach me and say, "Oh, your ds's mom! My son/daughter loves him!" And yet. When we've had kids over for playdates, ds will lose interest after some period of time (about an hour) and "lose himself" in his legos. Or start building something without involving the friend. If I intervene and try to encourage hosting, he can get upset (making it very uncomfortable for the friend).
Since he is being asked to leave his school, we are consumed with school placement first and foremost. He's been rejected by two of the three schools we've applied to on his behalf. Too behavioral. So we wait and hope the third will take him.
It's normal to worry about college, right? The third school sends some kids to college, some to group homes. I really struggle with that. But I also can't deny he needs a tremendous amount of support right now. We've tried mainstream school and it doesn't work.
Clearly he needs a special needs educational environment and lots of explicit teaching of basic social mechanics. He needs teachers trained to find out 'the why' when he struggles and help him build skills.
In the meantime, we've reached out to his psychologist with a very straightforward request to use the new information in the neuropsych eval to help us identify the treatment priorities (I'm so grateful to aeh for flagging all the mistakes on his percentiles - aeh was absolutely right and they are re-checking the entire report now for mistakes).
