My DS 11 was in a similar situation last year. He had been playing basketball for a few years but were never good at or seem interested. It became very obvious during the game. His lack of attention and average skills made it very hard to watch a lot of times, especially to my husband. DH was ok with DS being an average player but could not tolerate him not being focused and not being a team player. It created such a tension between them to the point DS's academic performance started to slip due partly to frustration against his dad. Being 11 and not courageous enough, he wasn't ready to say" mom I want to quit basketball". After a couple of weeks, and the spring season came to an end, and I realized we should not hold any expectations for something DS truly did not excel. We decided that it was time for him to quit basketball and discussed with him to only keep activities he truly enjoyed. We totally relaxed in the summer and just enjoyed nature and some self directly learning. It helped! At least, it released tension between DH and DS for the time being.
The point I was trying to make is that, please lower expectations or let him focus on something he is good at and confident about.
Hmmm yes, lots of good points. I can relate to the games being very hard to watch sometimes. DS has said he does not want to quit hockey, though. I think part of it is that he wants a sport. His friends that play football and basketball are a bit in awe of hockey (they can't even ice skate) so it gives him street-cred, so to speak, and they do not play so they do not see how good or badly he is doing. He does, however, want to quit this one team he is on (the school team) - he plays on two teams (a school team and a club travel team). He is much happier and engaged on club travel team than the school one - it's a better level for him and he is considered a "decent" player on that team (and that team is the one where his teammate gets him in the right position for face off - the kiddos on that team are just incredibly sweet). The school team, the one his father coaches, is the one he wants to quit. That team has some really talented players so he does not get to shine or even improve much. There has also been some bullying and other drama on the team that interferes with the team climate. I noticed that he was almost depressed on the school team and a completely different guy on the club team. I talked to him about quitting the school team and pulled him out of the team immediately upon his confirming he wanted to quit it. His father and the head coach, however, convinced to stay and see out the season
. That is probably playing into all of this. He will not be playing for that team next year, though, and he is adamant about it. He said he definitely wants to continue with club team.
Anyway, he came in from school and he apologized and we talked about it and he was like a totally different kid than the one that melted down this morning. We discussed different tools he could use to remember where he is suppose to be. He seems perfectly fine now. But, I still think this is an issue that I want to stay on top of.
