I have found that IEPs are pretty much useless unless you have buy-in from the staff and teachers. They can pull a kid out and say they are doing things, but how much effort is really going in? How honest are they going to be when it comes to reporting progress? At the last school the sp.ed teacher very obviously did not want to work with DD. She thought it was crazy we were trying to get an IEP for a gifted student and had a caseload that was already too big. I still tried, though, knowing that we could take the IEP to another school, but ultimately the school proved so toxic that we took her out sooner rather than later. I pursued an independent educational evaluation (making the school that denied services pay for it), and then took that to a new school and they used it to write the IEP. There was no way the old school would have ever become enlightened and helpful. Once they dig a hole, it's unlikely it can be escaped.
If you think the school staff are uncooperative or just don't want to do it, I would suggest trying to get private therapy and coverage through your insurance (which you may be doing already, I don't remember from your post). Meanwhile try to get a 504 with the school. Schools don't seem to be quite as adversarial about 504's because most of it falls on the teacher. Once you have it, it will apply to the next teacher as well so you don't need to fight the same fight every year, or explain repeatedly what your concerns are to every teacher. 504's also require buy-in, but this time it's mostly from teachers rather than other support staff. We had teachers that signed the 504 and said they wanted to help, but then simply didn't follow it. It was like they didn't even read it or thought it was just a list of guidelines or suggestions. I think this was the result of extremely poor training of teachers/staff regarding special ed and probably very few students had 504's.
