I haven't exactly mourned because (a) my DS7 is so darned interesting and (b) from day 1, I realized he's just like his Dad, and I kinda love that guy!
I do however have a variant of denial that is rooted in the belief that DS's behavior struggles are my fault as a parent. I CONSTANTLY question myself along these lines: If I was more strict and came down harder on DS, wouldn't his life be easier right now?
Never mind that time and time again I've seen the utter futility of disciplining according to typical strategies. Here are some real examples of his responses at ages 4.5-5.5 to strategies that I was assured would make all the difference:
1. sticker charts: "Mom, I need to [do thing I wish he'd stop] and a sticker isn't going to change that."
2. time outs: "You can put me in time out but that WON'T make me sad."
3. because I said so: "Mom, honestly, does it make any sense not to just explain it to me?"
What has worked has been latching onto the crutch of his assessment results to remind me he is NOT a typical child. I know I shouldn't need it, but I did. That crutch (which we have never shared with anybody) helps me honor who he is, ignore the disapproving glares from people who don't/can't know what he is struggling with, and teach him in a way that will actually allow him to learn. It frees me to really revel in and enjoy this wild and wonderful little guy.
But I still question myself every time he needs discipline. I wonder if that will ever go away.
Anyway - you're not alone! I'm sure we all have our variants of mourning, self-doubt, etc.
Edit to add: wow, Spaghetti, I love "welcome to the world of unpaved roads." brilliant.
Sue
Last edited by suevv; 07/02/15 10:31 AM.
