I did ask the psychologist who specializes in testing gifted children for her opinion on this problem, and her take was that DS8 felt threatened by DD4 wanting to be his equal despite being so many years younger and not being at his level in anything, and that his contentiousness was part of his unfulfilled need for having real friends his own age.
Well, this certainly rings a bell. I know DD feels threatened by DS for the same reasons (for instance, he is as agood or better than her at most games--she's no slouch, he beats us too--and also reads some of the same books), and also, DS, while socially skilled, has not found many true friends. It is NOT his fault. He is well liked and I am amazed by how I see him try to "be like" other 7yo boys because he has no other options. But...he wears the mask, IYKWIM.
DD has a much better situation and has many good friends.
Actually, I watched him with school "buddies" at an event the other day where he didn't know I was there, and I was sad for him. He was faking it like a pro. But I could tell he was not really having fun. It was a little eerie.
