This isn't a gifted issue, it's a marital issue. Go get on the same page as your wife, get help communicating effectively (I don't know you, but posting to forums so your spouse will see it is not an effective method of communication). Your children will benefit from this more than anything else you two do.

Once you two are aligned, it will be much easier to determine what your children need and want and work together to advocate for the most appropriate education.