This sounds like an issue between you and your wife-- I frankly understand both points if view. It sounds like your wife has some anxiety about your children's success and is perhaps identifying her own experiences too closely. I gather that you may have longed for a more normal teen experience without the constant pressure.
I've learned with any kid-- but especially magnified in gifted kids that intellectual readiness and developmental readiness can be out of synch.
My son goes to a private school where the teachers emphasize a high skill level over rapid acceleration. It works best for my DS because he receives very difficult work that stresses analysis and strong comprehension with *some* acceleration. My DS tends to be careless and occasionally try to do the minimum. He could be accelerated several years in math, but would not have the depth, nor learn about the hard work until he's in over his head. My point with this is to *know* your child and they are all different no matter their gifts.
You and your wife need to talk in a way that you can bond over your shared dissatisfaction of your earlier lives- perhaps with a therapist to facilitate a genuine exchange. I know you both long for your children to be content and no doubt there is middle ground. Good luck to you.
