No, I think you understand Dweck.
I think telling kids "you're so smart" is so toxic. I experienced this firsthand and it was harmful. One of the benefits of having my DS at a gifted private school is that they understand this and praise effort, persistence, and grit instead.
But isn't sending your child to a "gifted private school" a statement that "you are very smart, so much so that you need an education different from what average children get"? It is a statement backed by tens of thousands of dollars of tuition money.
I don't often directly tell my oldest that he is very smart. But when I had him take the SAT before age 9, one reason was to give him some data on how smart he is. When I tell him he should try to become a competitive candidate for admission to the most selective colleges, that is another way telling him he is very smart.
