Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Grade skipping trade offs

At this point, we have decided against grade skipping mostly because DS8, currently in third, doesn't want to.
The trade offs he describes resonate with us: he has friends he does not want to lose, he does not want to be even younger than he is now, he likes his teacher, it is only math that is stifling, LA, science and specials are okay.

from our point of view:
he has worked hard to gain the limited acceptance and the few friends that he has. While he does very well with kids who are two years older one on one, particularly a few girls he gets on great with, it is not the kind of social preference that works so well in a classroom.
He is already accelerated (early entry) but because of a fall birthday, he is only a month younger than the youngest regular kid. Every fall, though, the teasing starts, and he is reactive to it. I do not know why he cares, I never did after my grade skip, but he does, and it's his life.
His teacher recognizes his giftedness, and is willing to do what is in her power, which isn't much, but sometimes you are just grateful for the right attitude. He likes to be in her classroom and mostly likes going to school every day.
If math SSA works out, it might be just right for him. He can do with the writing instruction and training that ramps up in third grade. By fifth grade (middle school where I live) he's got to have some things down he hasn't yet. He does not mind the language arts instruction so much, and reading is okay, too, even though he is way ahead, because he is not the only one and the teacher does do some grouping.he is truly challenged in executive function and we will, at this point, emphasize that one and maths.

I think it is true for most education systems that elementary school has to be endured, and if possible, compressed in the shortest possible time, but by middle school, things do have to fall into place - options open up, but expectations have to be met. By high school age, most kids are mature enough to find their niches and profit from what there is on offer in a much wider world that works for them including online and higher education, but between, say, ten and fourteen, you mostly have to make school, and classrooms, work for them. Acceleration in elementary can get you in that place faster, and it is the trade offs in that setting I am looking at now that DS is in third - if I had felt the need for another grade skip between K and second, I might have just looked at getting him through elementary with the least damage.

Now I am looking at fifth grade in the city's gifted program which is where we presume he will end up in either next year or the year after, and which does have a good reputation for supporting radically accelerated (my definition: by two years) kids, and looking at my son, and I am wondering: could he, and by extension the whole family, cope with the executive function demands, the social scene, and the commute, by next year, and my current answer is no.
I shall make sure that things are in place so if I feel the answer is different by next fall, I can move him there quickly.
I don't mean that I, or anyone, should worry about puberty or driving or drinking or onset of menstruation and all that crap that people come up with. But wonder about an 8 year old in fifth grade, or a nine year old in sixth grade in middle school, and weigh the trade offs of the greater options against the demands, I would.