Hi all -
I just don't know what to do with my 14 year old son's emotional swings. Here is the current issue: he's a HS Freshman, talented musician. He was recruited at the last minute to fill a hole in the school Marching Band. Lots of kids he knows and likes in this group. So far, 4 of the 5 games he's come home at 10:30 or 11, simply sobbing, practically hysterical. His complaints are often very minor/vague, and often the next day he'll admit it "wasn't so bad." When I've talked about trying to quit, he doesn't want to, and says he "mostly" is having fun.
The time commitment is big - 3 days a week for 2 hours after school for practice, then games every week through end October. Sometimes he'll come home sobbing and wailing after practices too. And I mean sobbing and wailing and just miserable, loudly, filling the house with misery.
This is not a new thing. He has been like this his entire life, with extremes of emotion. On the plus side, when he is happy that emotion is also big and fills our house. He's also always been a kid who needed lots and lots of unscheduled time, and introverted and needing lots of time on his own - so this busy schedule is a real stretch for him. But the huge sobbing outbursts had gotten so much less frequent in recent years - and now suddenly they happen 2-3 times per week!
It's like he just gets emotionally exhausted by the 5-6 hours of being "on" at the game. But from what he says he is thoroughly enjoying it nearly the entire time he is there. I love the fact that he's making social connections with some great kids. (He has one very good friend, and several other pretty good connections, but socially has always tended to choose solitary pursuits for most of his free time.)
The dramatic misery is making the whole household upset/unbalanced. I don't know how to help him unwind without the sobbing. Or even if it's possible. He practically makes himself hysterical. (Sigh.) Ok, again positive - he has started trying to tell me some positive things through his sobbing. He's trying to show me that he is having fun. But when he gets home, he's just so miserable. He's also a kid who likes to go to bed early, so getting home at 11:00 is another stretch.
So I have two big concerns:
1) Is there some way to help him come home - late, when he's tired out - and unwind without the sobs? (The sobs often start in the car, btw.)
2) I think overall this is a positive experience for him. I want him to be able to do things like this in his life, even if it is a big time commitment for a couple of months. I worry that he will just never engage because he needs SO much down time! I want him to feel successful and positive about this experience. Blah.
He's older now - just turned 14. It's harder to talk to most of my friends about sobbing meltdowns than when he was 4! Oh - I should also say that he is a fabulous kid overall - successful in school, mature and well-spoken, well liked by teachers, and really liked pretty well by his fellow students as far as I can tell, even if he is not close with most of them.
Does anyone else have sobbing teen boys? Or ways they've helped said sobbing teen boys?
Thanks!
