Just a quick clarification, because Tiny Private School is so tiny, it would not be weird for me to talk to the director. In a sense, I wouldn't be talking to "the director," I would be talking to "Debra*." She knows DD very well, and all the teachers (incl. the co-directors) interact with all the students every day, and also with all the parents. I would never "go over the teacher's head" and ask the director to do something about the situation, without making sure the teacher was appropriately involved in the loop. At this point I'm more looking for 1) reality check about my DD, and 2) reality check about whether this school as a whole is just over-the-top about homework and I simply have to buy in or get out.
I'll reply a little later to all your great comments.
*Not her real name.
