Exactly-- there's also a bit of "that was then and this is now" going on, too.
So while my 15yo has a 19yo boyfriend, it's only not squicky because it's THIS particular 19yo.
If a multi-skipped kid, hanging with older kids, hangs with agemates in sports clubs, are they able to socialize with age peers, does that work?
Kind of. The thing is, kids talk about school-- and that leads to skipped kids being outsiders, or having to reveal that which they'd hoped to keep under wraps for social reasons.
So on the one hand, people may be more accepting of a girl who is younger than the median/average age of the group, they are generally LESS accepting of a girl who is an intellectual threat to the supremacy of the oldest members of that group. It's (seemingly) reversed for boys.
Most school-affiliated sports, and even a few CLUB sports, are organized by
grade level. That means that if your child is a 10th grader on paper, they'll be playing with/competing against children who are 15-17yo. If your child happens to be accelerated by 2y, that means that s/he will only be 12-13 at the time.
On the other hand, going by chronological age (as many club sports do) means that s/he will be grouped with 7th graders, with whom s/he may have little in common. It's also a behavioral expectations anomoly in the life of that child-- that is, if s/he is expected to behave functionally as a 10th grader much of each day, it's easier to normalize "okay, when I'm with other teens, I'm 16" than to switch back and forth between a number of different behavioral templates.
Not sure if I'm explaining that one well. It's one reason why we've just gritted our teeth and had DD with that older cohort all the way around.
Our ultimate goals are for her to have a somewhat normative set of experiences to take with her into adulthood, socially speaking, and to at the same time make her academic life tolerable. The solution set there has unfortunately meant growing up faster than her chronological age would dictate, but that's the sacrifice that had to be made so that she can relate socially to a peer group throughout her life.
