Reading your post sounds so much like my own daughter... my daughter is in kindergarten and I completely identify with the explosive personality/perfectionism/tears/frustration. And It. Is. Exhausting!!!
We did this the other way around... after her preschool teachers talked to us about her being "the most emotional one in the class" we called the pediatrician who recommended a psychologist. We already knew that things weren't right, but it kind of hit that boiling point where I just felt we needed a cool head amongst us to help figure things out. I am sure there are thousands of fantastic child psychologists out there... it didn't go great for us... BUT, I would say this is a great avenue to start with if insurance will cover it. (Any decent insurance should)
I know less than a lot of people around here about giftedness as like you, my daughter is in kindergarten and its our first child. But something I've noticed in my own daughter ... When she gets stressed, the emotional stuff/perfectionism kicks into high gear and the "thinking" part of her brain kind of goes blank. I wonder if this would cause your daughter's scores to under represent what the results of the test were.
So after hours of me on Dr. Google trying to figure out what was up with my kid (Is it ADD? Is it anxiety? Is it some other mental problem?) I opted to have her tested by an outside licensed school psychologist. She noted some of the same things.. but particularly how quickly she shuts down when she doubted herself... the stress emotions/reactions would kick in and she would just get kind of upset and ask when her mom was going to get back.
I think everything everyone has mentioned here would be good... a psychologist referred through your physician might be able to help you from a family perspective deal with having a tornado of a personality within the family AND possibly suggest another course of action. Its probably a good start. Also, if your gut is telling you that the testing she had done at the school isn't giving you the full picture, you could test her with a licensed school psychologist (outside the school) using a different test.
Good luck.... keep us posted and hang in there!
